First Challenge

Our separation started when Butch moved out the Thursday and Friday before Easter in 2015. Our youngest son, his wife and daughter came from Austin on Saturday to visit Butch and stayed the night with me. On Sunday, for probably the first time in my whole life I didn’t go to Easter services at church. It an emotional weekend. Surreal really.

And then it was Monday.

A friend had invited me to meet her for a walk. We were going to meet at her house to walk in her charming neighborhood. I woke up, dressed, got in my car, turned the key in the ignition and nothing. No click, no noise, no nothing. The battery was completely dead. My heart sank. Then it started beating rapidly in stress and panic. My first thought was I am not going to call Butch.

I knew exactly what he would do if he was there. He’d take the battery out, go to Wal-mart, buy a new battery, come home and install the new battery. Easy-beasy, nice and easy. For him. For me? Definitely not easy. First thing, I called my friend and changed the plan. She’d come to my house and we’d walk from there. That handled, I could give my full attention to my challenge.

Changing the battery myself was out of the question. Although I had helped Butch change lots of batteries, I was afraid of them. I knew they could explode if you touched the wrong place with a screwdriver. Naturally I didn’t know where that place was. I just knew I didn’t want to find out the hard way. And anyway I’d need a ride to Walmart to buy the battery. If I took my car somewhere for the battery to be changed, I would need a tow truck for the car and probably a ride for me. If the car was not working when I was with Butch, he would give me a ride. (This would continue to be a problem for me in the future.) My favor-ite neighbor–as in we could always count on each other for a favor–was out of town. She was very handy. I knew if she was there she’d know what to do. Finally, I called my service manager at the dealership where I took my car for repairs. He said I could use roadside assistance and have it towed. That did not solve the ride issue but it did spark an idea: AAA.

I had had a AAA membership for years but I only used it for travel discounts. It never occurred to me to use their roadside assistance. I had Butch. He always took care of the car and repairs and maintenance. I just drove it and filled it with gas. That I could do. So I called AAA. In about 15 minutes a mechanic arrived at my house He tested the battery, pulled out a replacement and changed it out. In about 20 minutes I was back in business. And I did it myself, well, with a little help from AAA. It probably cost more than if Butch had done it. But I solved the challenge by myself and that was priceless.

After Butch and I separated I quickly realized there were many, many things that I was going to have to do that Butch had always done. He took care of the cars, repairs and maintenance around the house, mowing the lawn, and financial matters. I took care of the inside of the house, which included cooking and cleaning. It quickly became apparent that I was going to have to learn how to do the things Butch had always done. Some of them I already knew how to do but Butch just took care of them anyway. However, there was much I had no idea how to handle. I was going to have to learn. As it turned out, the more I did, the more I knew I could do. As my confidence grew I felt better about myself. It turned out I was capable and competent. I had just never had to be that way before.

That’s when I started a list called “Things I’ve Done on My Own”. The first thing on the list is, of course, the battery challenge which happened on April 8, 2015. I put things on the list like places I went by myself for the first time, new places I went to walk or hike, driving to Marfa by myself in a bad thunderstorm. I recorded when I fixed an under cabinet light cover and changed air conditioner filters.

On May 23, another biggie occurred. As recorded on the list:

Fixed drain on washing machine! Did what the instructions said and it didn’t work. Really didn’t want to call Butch so I waited. Told myself there was no reason to call him right away. I could call repairman myself. Had lunch, prayed about it. Tried the washer again and it worked! Thank God!!!

Looking back over the “The Things I’ve Done on My Own” list, brings back so many memories of how innocent I was. In many ways I was a child. I had never had to be an adult and take care of myself. Well, now was my opportunity. Being on my own made it necessary for me to stretch my mind and, in certain cases, my body to do things for myself. The car battery and the stopped up washing machine drain happened in the first two months of being on my own. Little did I know then how many challenges and opportunities were going to come my way, times when I would be stretched almost to the breaking point. Ok, so sometimes it was the breaking point but that’s what wine and Netflix is for, right?

The list ends with my move to Austin in August which I wrote about in my last post. Sub-letting my first apartment and purchasing my TV and bed are the last two entries. Since then so many decisions, problems and challenges have come my way that looking back I am amazed at myself for being able to make those decisions, figure out solutions to the problems and meet the challenges. The results were mixed: some successes and some not so successful. Nevertheless, I did it myself.

And that was priceless.