Reflections for Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day: just the sound of those words can wreak havoc in the hearts and minds of adult children everywhere. Just two words can turn even the most sensible adult into a sullen adolescent. What gift to buy? Where should we eat? What should I say?

When President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation in 1914 that Mother’s Day would be celebrated on the second Sunday of May, the original intention was to pay tribute to mothers and their contributions to our lives. Over time, it has become commercialized and has grown into a huge industry.

• Mother’s Day is the second biggest gift-giving day, behind Christmas.
• 96% of American consumers take part in some way in Mother’s Day.
• Mother’s Day is the peak day of the year for long distance telephone calls.

All of these expectations combined with the real-life relationship of mother and child can cause panic at the very thought of Mother’s Day. This holiday or day of remembrance hinges on the relationship of mother and child like no other. And that relationship can make the day happy and peaceful or disagreeable and painful.

What is that relationship about? At the core, a mother is a woman who has borne a child. By that definition everyone in the world has a mother so there is no getting around Mother’s Day. Ignoring it and hoping it will go away is not going to work. The fourth definition of mother in my Webster’s is “that which gives birth to something, is the origin or source of something, or nurtures in the manner of a mother”. With this definition even those of us who have had a tumultuous relationship with our birth mother can celebrate Mother’s Day. Everyone has had someone in their life who has served as mother according to this definition. If the person we call mother has also managed to bring to our lives the fourth definition, then we are blessed children indeed.

I would grade my relationship with my own mom as good. However, there was a time when we were estranged. Mother’s Day during those years was particularly painful. Once we managed to reconcile, Mother’s Days were even more special because we could be together.

However, it wasn’t until after she died that I understood the greatest gift my mother gave me. Going through her papers, I found a story she had written in 1970. It was in her handwriting on a piece of notebook paper. She may have meant it as her autobiography, but it was her faith story. She told how she came to believe in Jesus and how she was baptized in a creek. After she left home on the farm and moved to the city, her mother urged her to go to church and read the Bible in each letter she sent. I have some of those letters. Once she married my dad and my sister and I were born, Mom felt more urgently the need to take us to Sunday School and church. But Daddy wasn’t very interested in that. As Mom wrote: “this did not fit into my plans very well as I felt we should worship together”.

A family friend filled in some details Mom left out of her story. Every Sunday my mother would get my sister, Patricia, and I dressed and take us to church. She would leave Daddy at the kitchen table reading the paper. One Sunday, Daddy noticed she wasn’t getting dressed for church and asked her why. She told him that they should go together. If he wasn’t going to go, she wasn’t either. That morning he got up from the table, dressed and took us all to church.

My strongest memory of my dad is waking me up on Sunday morning and taking the family to church every Sunday I lived at home. I always thought I owed my Christian upbringing to my dad when in reality I owed it to my mom and grandmother. That was the greatest blessing my mom gave me. She was both my birth mother and a definition number four mother. I wish I had known this while she was alive so I could have thanked her properly.

Whether or not we had a mother who was nurturing and loving to you, I believe each of us can be that kind of mother to someone else. Regardless of gender and whether or not we have children, each of us can be a definition four mother.

I challenge you this Mother’s Day to think about your mother. How did she bless you? What was her greatest gift to you?

If your Mother was not what she should have been, who has been that person for you? Mother’s Day is a good time to celebrate him or her.  Add value to this day of remembrance for both of you by telling them what they mean to you.

If you’d like to see and hear about Mother’s Day, you can click here for a video on which this blog post is based. The video is on the website of mmLearn.org which is a service of Morningside Ministries. mmLearn was created and designed for caregivers, both those who work in care facilities and those who care for loved ones at home. “Mother’s Day Reflections” is just one of many presentations in their Prayers for a Caregiver series.

From the Woodpile Kitty to you:

Have a blessed and extra-special Mother’s Day.