In the Meantime…

If you’ve been following closely then you know our story so far. Butch moved out in early April of 2015 which started our separation. Then in August, I started moving into my apartment in Austin but was still living in the duplex in San Antonio. Around the end of August I filed for divorce (those words still sound chilling to me). There’s a 60 day waiting period in Texas between filing for divorce before it can be declared final. So in the meantime, I went to Australia. That’s just what you do, isn’t it?

Yes, I admit taking this trip sounds sort of weird with all that was going in in my life. Just so you don’t think I had gone off the deep end, you should know that Butch and I had planned this trip early in the year. Plans had been made; tickets were purchased. But the circumstances of our marriage kept him from making the journey. So I was–gulp–going to go by myself.

The reason for the trip was to visit my sister, Trish, for a couple of weeks. She lives in Perth. But there was almost a week of additional travel time because Butch and I had decided to spend two nights in Hawaii and two nights in Sydney on the way in order to break the trip up and also see some sights. Plus there’s that pesky International Dateline thing that totally messes with your sense of where you are on the calendar. For the trip home there were no overnight layovers. Although I did spend six hours–yes, you heard right, 6 hours–in the Auckland airport. I got in there around 6:00 in the morning which turned out to be too early on the front end to do any sightseeing and not long enough on the back end since I had to be back two hours before my next flight. It is a very nice airport though with views of the countryside through the walls of glass. Full disclosure: I was traveling first class so I had access to the very well appointed lounge and yummy food and drinks.

I was very uncertain about traveling this far and this long on my own. No, let me rephrase that: I was terrified to travel that far on my own. I had traveled a bit by myself but not internationally. Both were in the old-timey days before 9/11. The first time, I flew to Syracuse to attend a conference. I went early and my son met me. He was working in Vermont and drove over. So I wasn’t completely alone. The second time, I flew to meet Butch for a week when he was taking a class at Union Seminary in Richmond, Virginia. We flew back together, so, again, not completely on my own. But this trip to Australia was travel of a whole different nature: international, multiple days and multiple flights going and then a grueling trip back and I was completely responsible for myself. Yikes! The only thing I was sure of: it was going to an adventure. A good one, I hoped.

The day of departure arrived. When I got into the cab that would take me to the airport I suddenly realized I was loose in the world with only an airline ticket to guide me. How was I going to keep up with which gate? How was I going to keep up with time zones? How was I going to go to the bathroom or get coffee or a snack with no one to watch my bags?! What if my luggage got lost? What if I got lost? I was panicking. Of course.

Contrary to all my panicking, I arrived in Honolulu safe and sound. It was a beautiful afternoon. My lovely hotel was about a block off of Waikiki Beach. There was even a sliver of beach visible from my window. After I got settled I walked Waikiki Beach window shopping–why they have a complete shop dedicated to heavy coats I have no idea. For dinner the woman at the hotel reception desk recommended a neighborhood Asian restaurant, Murahame Udon. It was delicious, just what I needed. The next day I woke up early and went for a run in a park located at the end of Waikiki Beach. My route went by beach front houses and hotels, under lush vegetation with glimpses of the ocean. I was definitely not in Texas anymore.

As I ran, I thought about my impending divorce. I was struggling with how God feels about divorce. I was taught that he hates divorce. In fact, the Bible clearly states that he hates divorce. I think most humans do too, especially if they have personally experienced it as a spouse or child. I carried a lot of guilt over breaking up my family after 46 years of marriage. Frequently I asked myself: Kay, you’re 64 years old. After all, you have more life behind you than ahead. Can’t you just keep it together? Suddenly I saw myself from a different perspective, from high above. I could feel how far away I was, far from everyone and everything I knew. I was completely on my own. No one even knew I was right there, right then. No one but God. With that thought I felt more free than I had felt in a very long time. As I wrote in my journal afterward, that run was very good for my soul.

Then it was on to Sydney. I toured the Opera House and walked across the Harbor Bridge. Two nights there, then on to Perth. Finally.

The visit with my sister, Trish, was so fun. Perth is a beautiful city with so much to do and see. It was colder than I expected, than she expected even. So for the first week and half I was cold all the time. And that’s no exaggeration: all the time. Even my neice, Addie, remarked on it. Morning, noon and night, I was bundled up in sweaters and jackets I borrowed from Trish. Finally, the last few days I was there, it started warming up and I could wear clothes without the sweaters. Every morning we went to Cottlesloe Beach for a swim and a coffee with friends. Or actually, Trish swam, in a wet suit, I sat on the beach wrapped in a sweater and enjoyed the ocean view or talked with friends. Then on my last day there, it was warm enough for me and I ventured out into the water. It was cold but I was in! I was swimming, or rather, buffeted by waves in the Indian Ocean! How cool is that?

The trip back was uneventful. Of course there was the normal airport nonsense like waiting and walking in circles around airports and waiting, bad food, even worse coffee, and more waiting. Finally I landed at the San Antonio International Airport. I gathered up my carry-on and followed the other passengers onto the jetway. I was home. Suddenly I remembered how I had felt when I got on the plane to leave San Antonio, how afraid and nervous I was. All the things I was afraid of didn’t happen, not even one. I didn’t miss any flights. My luggage didn’t get lost. I always knew where I was and what time zone I was in. I managed fine with no one to watch my bags when I went to the bathroom. I was home safe and sound. Wow! I did it. I really did it. All by myself. And a little help from God.

Thanks for dropping by,

Woodpile Kitty ATX