Sunday is Father’s Day. How are you going to honor your father? Grilling up some steaks or hot dogs? Ice cold watermelon? Or maybe dinner at his favorite restaurant? A day at the golf course and no complaining allowed by those who stay at home?

When I was growing up fathers were expected to be the main breadwinners in the family. My own dad provided ample food, clothing and shelter for my mom, my siblings and me. In fact, he did so well at providing that when my mother and he were both in an assisted living facility for patients of dementia, my siblings and I had no worries related to finances. By the measure of a good provider, my dad was a good father.

But in recent years it has come to the attention of researchers that a father’s influence effects everything from how successful his adult children are in their chosen professions to how successful they are in their marriages. If you want to read more about this aspect of fathers, here are links to two articles: “The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children” is from the Department of Health and Human Services and “The Importance of Fathers” from the Psychology Today.

The most important way a father influences his child is in how his son or daughter views God. It is not unusual for a person who does not believe in God say that if God is a father, they want no part of him because their own father was angry, unloving, critical, or some other negative quality. I didn’t understand this way of thinking. In my mind, if you had a bad father, then God should be all the more attractive because he is perfect in love, kindness, and mercy.

Then one day I was reading Psalm 51 in my Bible. This psalm was written by King David when he was confronted about his affair with Bathsheba. I had read it many times before, but on this particular day I saw something astonishingly new: I had been trying to make up to God for all the ways I had disappointed him. I tried to get on his good side by being and doing good so he would love me.

As I meditated on this psalm in the days following this revelation, I realized that I was doing the same thing with my earthly father. I tried to make up to him for all the ways I sensed I had disappointed him. My view of what God thought of me and how much he loved me was wrapped up in my view of my dad and how much I thought he loved me. I was looking at my heavenly Father through a lens that was my relationship with my earthly father.

Then I began to realize that trying to make up to God was fruitless; there was nothing that could be done in my power that would make up for the bad things I had done. And even more amazing was that there was no use in making up to God because he had already forgiven me. He had already given me a second chance and a third chance and as many chances as I would ever need. And further, that the bad things I had done in no way effected how much God loves me; he loves me regardless of my actions or attitudes.

Once I understood that and started changing how I related to my heavenly Father, accepting the forgiveness and the second chances, I began to see my earthly father differently. I saw not through my own ideas but through the thoughts and words of God as expressed in the Bible–a new lens. If God could forgive me, then I could attempt to forgive my dad. If God gave me a second chance, then I could try my hardest to give my dad a second chance.

This is a simple explanation of a process that took years. I was an adult that day I read Psalm 51. Twenty years later when my dad died, I don’t think I was even halfway to forgiving him. That was almost nine years ago. As I’ve forgiven and forgiven again–that second chance God is so ready to give–I have come to a place where I can say that I have forgiven so much that the parts I haven’t forgiven aren’t that important any longer.

If you are interested in reading more about my dad,  click here to read my post “A Couple of Street Corners and Imagination”. On the website of mmLearn.org you can view two videos in which I talk about my dad and me: one about my relationship with my dad and one from which this post was taken, “Father’s Day Reflections”. The mmLearn website is a service of Morningside Ministries and was created and designed for caregivers, both those who work in care facilities and those who care for loved ones at home. “Father’s Day Reflections” is just one of many presentations in their Prayers for a Caregiver series.

My dad will be in my thoughts this Sunday, Father’s Day. If your dad is still with you, I hope you have the opportunity to enjoy his presence that day. If, like my dad, he has passed, I pray that your memories of him will be sweet and filled with forgiveness.

From the Woodpile Kitty,

Have a blessed Father’s Day