My birthday is after Christmas which makes it a good time to assess not only what happened in the old year but also to look ahead to the new year. On my 2011 birthday the odometer rolled over to 60 which is very close to Social Security age. With this birthday came the realization that there are a lot of things in my life that I regret: decisions I made that I shouldn’t or decisions that I should have made but didn’t. Logically, I know it’s easier to look back and see where I went wrong than to see it when it’s happening. Somehow that doesn’t alleviate this feeling that “like the sands through the hour glass are the days of our lives”.
I estimate that I have about twenty years left which doesn’t seem like many until I look back to my 40th birthday. In those twenty years a lot happened. However, another wrinkle in my thinking is that from 40 to 60 I could expect relatively good health, from 60 to 80 not so much. (I hope I’m not depressing you.) If I’m going to accomplish anything, if I’m going to do anything new, or if I’m going to be a better person, now is the time.
But a little voice keeps whispering, “If you haven’t done it up to now, if you haven’t been that way up to now, what makes you think you could change and be that way or do those things now?” I ruminated on that little voice and wrote a story. I hope you enjoy it.
On a plain in Africa there lived a young leopard named Ligongo which means Who am I. He was the favorite of the god Elegua who knew Ligongo in his deepest heart and therefore kept a constant vigil over him. Elegua had granted Ligongo his magnificent spots and his great speed which made him the best hunter on the plain.
One day while crouched in the tall grass watching a herd of zebras, Ligongo spied a young zebra mare who had the most beautiful black and white stripes. He noticed that when she moved into the shade he could barely make out her lovely body.
“Ah, it would be comfortable to lie in the shade and hide from my game instead of in the grass that grows in the hot sun. “
The next day he came back to this same herd and watched the young zebra again. And the next day and the day after that. Elegua who knew Ligongo’s deepest heart watched all that went on.
On the fourth day, as Ligongo crouched in the grass, he began creeping closer to the young zebra. When he was very close, perhaps a foot or two, he quietly said, “Hello”.
She started to run away but something held her there. Ligongo asked the young zebra her name.
“Zuwena. It means good”, she said.
Being a leopard Ligongo should have thought that she was good to eat. But all he thought was how good her stripes looked.
“Where did you get your stripes, Zuwena?”
“You know I got my stripes from my god just as you got your spots from your god.”
Suddenly Ligongo turned and bounded out of the grassy plain and into the jungle to a place where the trees and vines kept the sunlight out. There he found Elegua at the foot of a tall tree.
“Why did you come here, Ligongo?”
“I know that I am your favorite. I owe you my magnificent spots and my great speed. You have made me the best hunter on the plain. I live well because of you.”
“Yes, yes”, said Elegua, growing impatient. “But why are you here? What do you want?”
“I want, I want…I want lovely stripes like the zebra Zuwena.”
Elegua knew this was what Ligongo wanted. From the first moment Ligongo had this desire in his heart, Elegua had thought about how he would answer. “This is the life you will have. In your stripes you will graze grass and hide from your enemies in the shade of the trees. You will no longer be the best hunter on the plain. Is this what you want, my favored one?”
“Please. That’s what I want. Stripes, lovely and black on my white body. To look perfect like Zuwena.”
And just like that Ligongo had stripes on his leopard body. Without thanking Elegua, he bounded off to show Zuwena.
Zuwena was not impressed as Ligongo had hoped she would be. Nevertheless, he spent his days standing beside her grazing grass and running for his life from his leopard friends. The one thing Elegua didn’t take from Ligongo was his speed. So day after day he outran the leopards and then he watched as they feasted on zebras who could not run as fast as he.
Slowly and surely Ligongo began to get tired of eating grass. He was humiliated each time he ran to the shadows to hide from his leopard friends.
One day he realized he could not chew another bite of grass. And then the young zebra Zuwena caught his eye. His mouth began to water. No longer was she Zuwena of the good stripes; she was Zuwena the good food.
Ligongo crouched in the grass. He crept closer and closer and he lunged. That afternoon Ligongo had zebra for dinner. As he feasted on the delicious meat, his spots returned. Ligongo was once again the best hunter on the plain.
Elegua, keeping his watchful vigil, smiled. His favored one, Ligongo which means who am I, had learned a valuable lesson. Except by the grace of his god, a leopard doesn’t change his spots.
Ligongo had Elegua. But I have the God of all grace and his son Jesus Christ. I may be confused about who I am, but I know whose I am. I believe that with his grace in the next 20 years I can accomplish new things and that I can be a better person than I am now.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
May it be so.
Woodpile Kitty 
Your thinking about how many years you have left in your life is not unusual at your age. I felt the same way but now I’m just trying to enjoy the time I have left and I’ve raised the bar to 90. My time will be what he feels that it should be. I’m just hoping he feels that he needs me a little longer on earth to enjoy my family and friends.
I’ll have to raise my bar. I’m figuring at least 80. But it’s not in my hands as you so aptly reminded me.
I find it inspiring how you are reflecting on your life and using this time for personal growth.